Blast from the past: KKK vs. WBC

By ticorules on May 30, 2013 • ( 2 )

So this blog tends to mostly cover political topics. There are basically two flavors of those topics: Flavor number one is random political person will say/do something so stupid, offensive or downright racist that I feel needs to be responded to immediately. Justice Scalia calling the Voting Rights Act a “perpetuation of a racial entitlement” good example. Flavor number two is news articles that look to be stolen from the Onion. This is actually my favorite sort of story to write about. News so ridiculous I’m not certain it’s actually real, like Ireland trying to legalize drunk driving. But the first time I remember having the Matrix like feeling that reality wasn’t quite right happened before I started blogging officially. It’s was the epic fight for the ages. Westboro Baptist Church vs. the Ku Klux Klan.

Now it’s really difficult to describe how vile and totally without moral compass that the WBC has been. This is a church that has it’s members protest the funerals of soldiers because God hates the gays. This is an organization that thinks 20 first graders dying in the Newtown massacre was great because somewhere in Iowa two women exchanged weddings vows. They literally camp outside of funerals with signs like “Pray For Dead Soldiers” & “Soldiers Die 4Fag Marriage” while singing obnoxious songs at grieving families. You know, just like Jesus teaches. WBC is so far off the reservation that the KKK actually staged a counter-protest. Seriously.

Here’s army veteran and Imperial Wizard of the KKK:

“It’s the soldier that fought and died and gave them that right to free speech,” said Dennis LaBonte, the self-described “Imperial Wizard” of the KKK group that he said he formed several years ago.

First of all, how bat-shit crazy do you have to be to have a member of a terrorist organization chastise you for going too far? Secondly, now I’m in the uncomfortable position of actually agreeing with a Klansman. That. Feels. Wrong. I really don’t want to root for this guy despite the fact that his splinter group is called the Knights of the Southern Cross, which I’m going to just assume is a nod to the 80’s animated series Robotech. How bad could this guy be? He likes transformable mechs, just like me. Then again if the pilots of those mechs were Black or Jewish…but I digress.

Then started the greatest back and forth between horrible organizations in history. Here’s a leader of the WBC commenting on the Imperial Wizard:

That’s fine,” said Abigail Phelps, the daughter of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps. “They have no moral authority on anything.”

“People like them say it’s white power … white supremacy,” Phelps said. “The Bible doesn’t say anywhere that it’s an abomination to be born of a certain gender or race.”

This went on and on for a while with one group saying they weren’t “hate-mongers” while the group two says that group one are “twisted and confused.” It gets more difficult to tell who they are referring to after, oh, the second round of that exchange. But the best part about this fight is the total lack of rooting interests. That and the fact that every utterance from either of these fools makes reality want to fold in on itself. On the one hand, we have racist pieces of garbage and on the other we have the people singing and dancing at the sight of coffins with American soldiers inside. Is there any way they could both lose? Couldn’t we just arrange a spaceship to take both of these groups to a Thunderdome-like world and make them fight to the death? Two evils enter, no one leaves. They’d be a nice opening act for Nazis versus Al-Qaida later in the evening.

Ladies and gentleman have we got a spectacle for you tonight. Standing in the far corner wearing white trunks with even whiter trim and a with a ridiculous hood made from his mother’s tablecloth stands the KU KLUX KLAN!! And in the near corner, wearing nothing as God intended but lacking even basic biblical literacy stands the entire congregation of the WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH!! This is going to be awful, folks, but: Let’s get ready to RUMBLE!!