These f*cking racists!

By ticorules on November 18, 2012 • ( 0 )

These fucking racists! Let me just say that I try to avoid talking about this stuff. I really do. I really don’t want to be the Bla-tino always bringing up the whole race relations thing. But these people are making it impossible. So buckle up Non-Blogospherians. We are so going there now. Introducing the chair of the Republican party of Maine, Charlie Webster.

When asked about the GOP losses in this year’s election, he had some interesting theories:

“In some parts of rural Maine, there were dozens, dozens of black people who came in and voted on Election Day,” he said. “Everybody has a right to vote, but nobody in (these) towns knows anyone who’s black. How did that happen? I don’t know. We’re going to find out.”

So unnamed sources have told you that dozens of black folk descended on rural towns in order to fix the election? Seems a little crazy. I mean that would be the least efficient way to fix an election, particularly since Maine was never in play as a swing state — nowhere close, in fact. But hey, unnamed black people from unspecified rural towns are always up to no good.

Later, sensing that the pot wasn’t stirred up quite enough, Webster managed to double down on his racist comments, while still saying he wasn’t a racist.

“I’m not talking about 15 or 20. I’m talking hundreds,” he said Wednesday. “I’m not politically correct and maybe I shouldn’t have said these voters were black, but anyone who suggests I have a bias toward any race or group, frankly, that’s sleazy.”

So at first there were dozens of blacks and now there are hundreds of them? Are we talking some sort of asexual reproduction or did they just start cloning themselves in the woods of rural Maine? But of course pointing out the Swiss cheese texture of your narrative here, much less the not-so-subtle stink of its race-baiting innuendo, makes everyone else the bad guy. Also, we still don’t know where this supposedly happened or whom reported this to you. Could it be that you’re just full of shit? Its not like you’ve cried wolf before in terms of election irregularities. Oh, that’s right. You did. But here comes my favorite part. Ladies and gentleman, here comes the “best” defense versus charges of racism.

There’s nothing about me that would be discriminatory. I know black people. I play basketball every Sunday with a black guy. He’s a great friend of mine. Nobody would ever accuse me of suggesting anything.

Let me let you in on a little secret Charlie. If you have to point to the one black guy you know as your racism defense, guess what. YOU’RE a FUCKING RACIST! Why do people think knowing an ethnic means that they are bereft of racism? It’s like I totally never rounded up the townsfolk and burned a cross on Shaquan’s lawn, so how could I be racist. Plus we really need to win the pickup basketball game on Sunday. And Shaquan’s fadeaway is unstoppable.

After the subsequent completely predictable shitstorm started, Webster tried to apologize. But as usual, he should have just stopped talking.

I regret saying the word black because it wasn’t like I was singling out black,” Webster said. “The reason I said it, ‘cause I don’t know where you live, but where I come from in rural Maine, it’s a small percentage of the population. I think we’re the whitest state in the country. So if you go to the polls and see people who are black, it’s unusual. And when you see a lot of people who are black, like six or eight or ten people, you think, ‘Wow, where do they live?’ That was my point.”

I’m sure you do regret saying the word black, because in hindsight that was the surefire route to get an ignorant half-baked conspiracy theory onto the fast-track for incendiary national attention. Yes, yes singling out the people you meant to single out has been problematic. But hey, it must be uncomfortable not knowing where fictitious blacks who descended on your hypothetical towns theoretically live. When exactly did you become the Keeper of the Black by the way? Is part of your job as GOP chair knowing exactly where all the blacks live? And is anyone else bothered that his numbers of blacks keeps changing? First there were dozens upon dozens. Then there were hundreds. And now, its ten max. I’m starting to think your meds need to be changed.

Republicans always wonder why they can’t get any black votes. Could it be because they think every black person they’ve ever seen, heard about or even imagined is up to no good? Not Shaquan, though. He’s totally cool.